They're empty. My hands are empty.
I want to reach out for her.
But she's no longer there. No longer within my reach.

Even though she was always with me.

Why is she not here?

Maybe she thought so as well?
As she waited for me...

Did she want to come see me? Is that where she was going?
Did she want to come see me? Was she on her way to find me the same I was to her?
Did she want to come see me? As desperately as I do now?

It's painful. It's bitter.
It's so painfully bitter I'd like to bite off my tongue.
But even that would never help.
No amount of pain can distract from that empty space.
Always there. The only one always there. Always for me.
Now what's always there is the void.

Empty. Why are my hands so empty?
My eyes, ears, arms, my everything is open waiting for her.
Waiting without sleep.
Because who could sleep alone so abruptly when she was always sleeping so wonderfully BESIDE ME.


All I'll ever want is her to come back to me.
Did she feel the same?
I'll never know. Because I was not there at her end.


I WASN'T THERE.


And no matter what anyone might say- It is fact that if I returned earlier I would have been with her.
She would have been with me.
She would not have gone out.
I could have been there before she left. I thought about it even. I THOUGHT I SHOULD GO.


But my decision will haunt me forever.


Why are my hands so empty?

Why, even when I've closed them tight to fists, are they still so very, very...
OPEN.